13th March 2016 3.03 am
So now all of a sudden I have turned 27 years old and it has got me fully reflecting on my life.
Tonight has been a strange accumulation of thoughts. I’m wondering about what tomorrow might bring and I’m wondering about the different events that may or may not take place in my life. All of these things that I basically have no control over.
One thing that I do know for sure in terms of what i really want for myself is my relationship with my God. It has been a long time coming but in all honesty it hasn’t felt so right before. Where my life was seemingly going down the wrong path and my “mind was telling me NOOOOOOO… but my body kept telling me YEHESS”… man that was an uncool period.
I’m not saying that I’m going to catapult myself into change but I am definitely saying that there will be changes. Slow changes that I will be making today to prepare me for my tomorrow.
When I prayed finally (it had been a really long time) and came before my God with my questions and all my uncertainty I found my answers in the bible.
It seems cliche Christian and quite frankly I don’t care. What I do care about is the finality and the strange concentration of answers that bring me stability of body, mind and spirit. Clarity. Calm. Peace. Love. Joy.
In a midst of utter confusion I was able to find the answers that I had been searching for. When I started to worry I was guided instead to Matthew 6: 25-34 which told me not to worry, that God would provide, that worry wouldn’t improve or enhance or elongate my life by any fraction. It reminded me that the only thing I really can do is live in the now, second by second, minute by minute. Decision by decision.
Then when I tried to find someone to blame for the turn of life’s events or the ideas that had been pulling me further and further away I was shown Matthew chapter 7 which challenged me. How can you point out the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own? First remove that log in your eye so that you can better see how you can come close to removing the speck in your brother’s. Again I was reminded to treat others the way that you would want to be treated.
Furthermore the good book pointed me in A DIRECTION. Direction is something that I really truly needed at that point in my life I felt so aimless, grasping at ropes that lead to nowhere, without hope. It was really quite a strange, foreign and insecure place to be in and then immediately I was given the message: Knock and the door will open, seek and you will find ask and then it will be given to you.
It’s so strange to have come from a family, a home, a place where I always had my parents, family, friends to fall back on and count on to rejuvenate me in thought, in mind and in spirit; to be transplanted to a place where I had none of that and try to foster a new and chosen version of that family, home and place in a foreign land.
When a friend came to stay with me it reminded me also of the faith and the hope that our ancestors, our grandparents and parents that migrated across lands and oceans in the hope for a better future.
How our parents may have endured this same kind of stalemate. This same kind of adjustment. The same kinds of distractions that would make them veer from their path.
And yet look at how they have turned out now.
The one thing that my journey and my parents’ journey have in common most definitely is faith. Faith that there would be a clearer day tomorrow. Faith in God that strives to keep pushing us forward second by second, minute by minute. Decision by decision.
God bless our parents. God bless each or us as we paddle our canoes to find different oceans and make our families, homes and place founded on the God of direction.